he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
