It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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