I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize