Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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