we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
