Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
