how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
organizing the empties. That sober.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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