i just had sex bonerless
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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