i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
