but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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