My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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