My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
