The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
