I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
