she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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