i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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