i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
