I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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