Will you blow on my dice?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
