i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
