I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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