I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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