i don't like sucking hair
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize