Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
