I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
