last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
