Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
