I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
