Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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