And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
