Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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