The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
