Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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