I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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