im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
