Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
