I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
