He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
