I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
