My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
