My balls are so social today.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
