I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
