oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just want nice things and good sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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