how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
