i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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