I just made out with a guy for $7.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
