cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
