so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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