I feel great
I just peed on a car
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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