Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
