Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
