i already hear my dad disowning me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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