question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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