it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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