Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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