i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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