all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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