Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
