i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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