that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
