my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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