im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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