You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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