So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
