how hairy? two words: wookie tits
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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