Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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