Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
