my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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