I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
