the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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