tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
