the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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