@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
