also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize