I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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