Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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