I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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