I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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