Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
