i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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