Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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