How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
