So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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