At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
