OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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