Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
