Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
