I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
