Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
