You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
