Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
