"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
