I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
