where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My hand turned me down
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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