don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize