The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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