I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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