thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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