The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
