I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
