if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
