The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
