I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize